X-Men: Apocalypse is a 2016 American superhero film based on the X-Men that appear in Marvel Comics. It is the ninth installment in the X-Men film series. An introduces us to the most powerful adversary the X-Men have ever faced in the form of Apocalypse.

 

Review

“The Chairman” – I have to say that I wasn’t going in with too much expectation for the level of quality this movie would provide, as Civil War and Batman v Superman already did the business from my point of view, but dammit I was proven wrong. Bryan Singer is a story telling genius, it all made sense and it should make most fans very happy.

I know it’s bad to harp on other movies but X-Men provided something that both Civil War and Batman v Superman lacked, the stakes were real (unlike Civil War) and the lives of your favourite heroes were truly hanging in the balance. And it brought a presence of wit and humour (things that were absent in BvS) with excellent acting and superb dialogue. And the Quicksilver scene easily the surpasses the efforts in “Days of futures Past”, no spoilers it was just incredible.

This might be blasphemous, but McAvoy & Fassbender are the Professor X & Magneto we want….no wait, we need. These two guys are seriously top-notch, and I would watch an X-Men movie with just the two of them. The best superhero/comic movie I have seen this year…easily. 8.5/10

“El Proktor” – It’s kinda rotten that this movie isn’t rated fresh.

I went into X-Men: Apocalypse with a spot of trepidation, after checking out what the ‘critics’ thought of it.

And then… I left the movie feeling utterly confused. So confused, in fact, that I decided to shell out another R110 just to see it again in IMAX 3D (or maybe I confused ‘confusion’ with ‘entertained’).

I really enjoyed X-Men: Apocalypse. It’s an entertaining movie. Apocalypse is in no way an underwhelming Villain (*cough* Baron Zemo *cough*). The movie does not peak 3/4 of the way in (My apologies to my fellow MCU fans, I’m going to stop taking shots at Civil War now).

Michael Fassbender is once again the most relatable Master of Magnetism since that one time I bought Magnetic Putty (Because I relate very easily to myself… and was the master of some magnetic stuffs for 5 minutes!). The team dynamic of the X-Men shines through very well. Also, 1407 Graymalkin Lane has not felt so full of life and like an actual school since X2.

AND THE STEAKS (medium rare fillets)!!! They felt real and non Disneyfied.

The movie has moments of light hearted fun, awesome action set pieces, and heart wrenching dramatic scenes (coupled with the Acting Chops to pull it all off). X-Men: Apocalypse is very much a quintessential Bryan Singer X-Men movie (With even more Comic-book-esque strange wonderfullness than usual).

Sure, some of the plot was awfully convenient and I am not convinced of the acting prowess of Miss Sophie Turner. However, none of this detracted from my actual enjoyment of the movie.

So what is up with the ‘Rotten’ Ratings? Have the deep pockets of Disney reached some ‘critical’ bank accounts? Is this all just one big conspiracy to deprive me of some future X-men Awesomeness!???!

Maybe go out there and watch the movie, and decide for yourself. I give it a ‘Sparkling (and Awkward) Nightcrawler Smile’ out of ‘I was entertained’.

On a side note though, there sure are a lot of Blue characters in this movie. Blue Man Group auditions anyone?

 

“Nomad Shad” – As I walked into the valley of the IMAX, I prepared to watch 144 minutes of total kak! Yes, because critical reviews are absolutely TRASHING this film. Like El Proktor, I came out slightly confused.

This is not a bad movie, it’s not even close to being a bad movie. WHO IN THE EVERLIVING FUCK THOUGHT THIS WAS TRASH?! HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE SHIT THAT IS THE X-MEN 3:LAST STAND AND X-MEN ORIGINS WOLVERINE! Woosah…woosah…

This is the 4th comic book adaptation we’ve seen this year…and we’re not even halfway through the year. It’s arguably one of my favourites thus far (Let me not start on the BvS and Civil War shade).  The story is driven by some amazing performances from Sophie Turner, Tye Sheridan, and Kodi Smit-McPhee, showing us that there is life in the X-Men franchise outside of Professor X, Mystique, Wolverine, and Magneto. That being said, Fassbender and McAvoy are amazing once again.

The film has a brilliant blend of light-hearted moment and the more serious stuff. And yes, we have some good stakes!

None, of this bullshit that poisons the MCU. There are two scenes that I absolutely LOVED. So strap yourself into the X-Jet and prepare for a really entertaining film! This gets XXX out of XXXX!

To all the fucknuts that rated this film so badly, who hurt you? Really, who hurt who? Your reviews deserve a review and you’re getting a lovely facepalm out of what the fuck were you thinking.

 

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