Song to Song – “Is it a Film? Is it a Doccie? No, it’s a TURD!”

Set against the Austin, Texas, music scene, two entangled couples — struggling songwriters Faye (Rooney Mara) and BV (Ryan Gosling), and music mogul Cook (Michael Fassbender) and the waitress (Natalie Portman) whom he ensnares — chase success through a rock ‘n’ roll landscape of seduction and betrayal.

Review

“The Chairman” – It has finally happened. I walked out of a movie! I have never done this before and hopefully never will again. About 20mins into this so-called movie I realised something, “there is no plot, no script, and the entire thing seems to shot on a Go-Pro”. I soldiered through another 40mins (yes, an hour in) and things seemed to have gotten worse. There is a distinct lack of context for anything that is happening throughout the film.

What happened to Terence Malick?! This wasn’t a movie. It looked like the B-Roll of a documentary about outdoor concerts and the lives of on the road performers.

Ryan Gosling plays a successful songwriter, but you never see him write or play a complete song. Michael Fassbender is a shady “music producer” who has an affinity for control in many forms. Natalie Portman plays a “gold-digging waitress” from a small town who marries Michael Fassbender. Finally, Rooney Mara plays the “singer”…I think. Her character is in love with Gosling, but is having violent sex with Fassbender in an attempt to boost her career. I should add that these are all assumptions I am making, because the actors don’t talk they just murmur.

Don’t watch this ever! Actually, don’t release it at all and let’s all agree that it was a bad idea from the start. -1/10 (and it’s lucky not to be worse off in my books)

I guess I should’ve known something was up when I saw that amazing cast and a budget for under $3 million.

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