Tash- While the Oscar buzz is still as fresh as one of the Febreze brothers from ‘The Other Guys’, I thought I’d change the tone, slightly, to play my yearly guessing game for my fave show, The Golden Raspberry Awards, which I like to call ‘Bitches be Humble Awards’.

I had high hopes for my favourite genre, horror. Hoping it was safe from feeling the wrath of the awards, but the controversial divisive art-horror ‘Mother!’ made the nomination list. A movie I really quite enjoyed, but I have to admit that it is NOT for everyone! I’m a sucker for allegories, analogies, symbolism, metaphors, blah, blah, and blah.

SIDE-NOTE: Don’t you think that since Dragonball Evolution (2009) and Fantastic Four (2016) were shittier than a Golgothan on a good day, it deserves to WIN a Razzie award EVERY YEAR?! Just to remind and protect humanity from the toxic waste that is in the form of a KAK film!!

Below, I’ve chosen who deserves to win and who will probably win.

Red- Deserves to win

Blue- Probably win

“May the mockery be ever in your favour…”

WORST PICTURE

Baywatch

The Emoji Movie

Fifty Shades Darker

The Mummy

Transformers XVII: The Last Knight

WORST ACTRESS

Katherine Heigl/ Unforgettable

Dakota Johnson / Fifty Shades Darker

Jennifer Lawrence / Mother!

Tyler Perry / BOO! 2: A Medea Halloween

Emma Watson / The Circle

WORST ACTOR

Tom Cruise / The Mummy

Johnny Depp / Pirates of The Caribbean XIII: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Jamie Dornan / Fifty Shades Darker

Zac Efron / Baywatch

Mark Wahlberg / Daddy’s Home 2 & Transformers XVII: The Last Knight

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Javier Bardem / Mother! & Pirates of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Russell Crowe / The Mummy

Josh Duhamel / Transformers XVII: Last Knight

Mel Gibson / Daddy’s Home 2

Anthony Hopkins / Collide & Transformers XVII: Last Knight

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Kim Basinger / Fifty Shades Darker

Sofia Boutella / The Mummy

Laura Haddock / Transformers XVII: Last Knight

Goldie Hawn / Snatched

Susan Sarandon / A Bad Moms Christmas

WORST SCREEN COMBO

Any Combination of Two Characters, Two Sex Toys or Two Sexual Positions / Fifty Shades Darker

Any Combination of Two Humans, Two Robots or Two Explosions / Transformers XVII: Last Knight

Any Two Obnoxious Emojis / The Emoji Movie Johnny Depp & His Worn Out Drunk Routine / Pirates of the Caribbean XIII: Dead Careers Tell No Tales

Tyler Perry & Either The Ratty Old Dress or Worn Out Wig / BOO! 2: A Madea Halloween

WORST REMAKE, RIP-OFF or SEQUEL

Baywatch

BOO 2: A Medea Halloween

Fifty Shades Darker

The Mummy

Transformers XVII: Last Knight

WORST DIRECTOR

Darren Aronofsky / Mother!

Michael Bay / Transformers XVII: Last Knight

James Foley / Fifty Shades Darker

Alex Kurtzman / The Mummy

Anthony (Tony) Leonidis / The Emoji Movie

WORST SCREENPLAY

Baywatch

The Emoji Movie

Fifty Shades Darker

The Mummy

Transformers XVII: The Last Knight

Clearly, I really HATED ‘The Emoji Movie’ and I harbour nothing but contempt for ‘Transformers XVII: The Last Knight’!